The Tenth Sign of the Zodiac

I'm thinking about my first tattoo being the sign of the capricorn or a sugar skull. I'm not quite sure which one I want first but I'll def. have them both. The capricorn is a person with drive, a person who wants to drag things to completion and accomplish goals. Not only do I always want to finish what I start I want to finish it with efficiency. Lately I've been having seious procrastionation issues and the fact that I need to finish things in order to be satisfied has become a problem. I've been researching a lot about capricorns and because we capricorns are so ambitious sometimes we overwhelm ourselves with goals. We set high standards and sometimes put too much on our plate. I'm going to try and pace myself out better, be in control of my situations. haha be IN CONTROL, so capricorn of me. Funnystuff. ♥

Valentines Shmalentines. . .

I'm glad I didn't completely spill my guts on that last post. I've had a change of thought. I did make it. I don't miss HIM, nor do I care what he's doing with his life. I miss the freedom of being comfortable with someone. I miss having someone be MINE. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and something made me think twice. I'm over him, completely. I'm not over the fact that I haven't found anyone special, and until then I'm going to have to be okay with that. And I think I'm going to be just fine. It's okay to do stupid things and it's okay to trust your gut feeling because although it may get you into a mess, you always learn something. I'm okay with the fact that I went to his house when I knew he didn't want me there. It doesn't bother me that I've called him a numerous amount of times, only to be shut off. I don't care that his girlfriend would call me out and tell me all this ISH. If it weren't for any of that I wouldn't realize that I really don't need him. I don't need any man for that matter. Oh but I would love to find someone special. It's only a matter of time. I can wait. I can be patient. I'm done dwelling over this stupid relationship. I'm freaking FINE, and I know that now. I'm absolutely positive I'm okay. They say "You don't get better, 'til you're worse" and trust me, It's gotten worse and I did hit rock bottom, but I'm better. I'm doing okay.

frick, frick, FRICK

It's better to talk about things. It's better to get it out. So I'm going to just say it, regardless of who i think is going to read this. It needs to come out.

Last year, in two days, will be the "one year" anniversary of Alex and I. We broke up about a week before the actual anniversary and about three weeks after it he was with Amanda. It was all too overwhelming and for the last year i guess i haven't really gotten over it. I mean, I'm no where near as bad as I used to be, after it happened, but I am still very much heart broken. I just want answers. I don't really know why he broke up with me and I don't really know how he felt about it all. I'm so very confused. I don't get it. I don't get it at all. This valentines I'm going to spend it with the person who is truly there for me. The person I love the very most. Analise. If we weren't cousins and I was lesbian, I'd be all over dat. ♥. haha frick.

Exhausted

I can't even describe how tired i've been lately. It's like i haven't slept in the longest time. and i haven't. I haven't had a good night sleep in so long and I think it's really starting to affect me. I'm overwhelmed with homework and I hate that i don't have the time to do it. I can't function when I'm tired so I just lay there, yet I can't fall asleep either. I've been to the doctors and I've spoken with them about this whole sleep issue. The doctor prescribed me pills to help me sleep but I guess my mom never got around to getting me the pills. I dunno, I don't want to take pills to help me sleep i just want to GO TO SLEEP. I'll do some research later. I'm in school. This class sucks. anyone with any advice on this sleep thing? Let me know.

My Dream Last Night:
I don't remember much but I do remember that some photographer was taking pictures of me and I was wearing a wife beater and some jeans. My make-up was all done up and this guy was taking amazing pictures of me. My mom and I got to see the pictures on a this guys computer and once my mom saw the pictures she just started laughing hysterically. I don't know why she was laughing and I don't remember if I said anything to her, but I do remember I was really offended by her laughing.

THIS TRIPS ME OUTTTTT. . .

Thedreamzone.com interpretations of some keywords in my dream

Computer: How are you computing certain information?

Laughter/Laugh/Laughing: Joy, happiness. Laughter is the best medicine. Don't take things so seriously.

Makeup: May mean you need to make up with someone or even yourself. Can also mean a need or desire to hide who you really are, afraid to face the truth.

Man/Men/Guy: Your masculine self, the part of your personality that is assertive, takes action, makes decisions and makes money. If an unknown man is attacking you it is because you are ignoring your assertive male self. If an unknown man is attracted to you then you are beginning to recognize and unite your male qualities into your life.

Mother/Mom: Unless there is a current issue with your mother, then your mother in a dream will stand in for your ability to know what's best, to nurture yourself and others. Your maternal instincts. If you are a mom, then your mother symbolizes your own role as mom. If your mom is dying or hurt in the dream, examine your own mothering skills. Also pay attention to the advice Mom gives in your dream because it is coming from your own intuition.

Pictures/Photos/Photo Album: How you picture yourself or a particular situation. Could be your dream saying, 'Get the picture?!' Perhaps time to look at your past. Pictures are also memories. Your dream may be telling you to be aware of the present because whether it becomes a good or a bad memory is often up to you.

See: If you can't see in your dream then there is something in waking life you aren't seeing for what it really is or you are turning a blind eye toward something.

Months. . .

Months have past, and I haven't been on this forever. What a shame. Recently I've just been hanging out, mostly partying. This has got me into quite some trouble, but you live and you learn. eh? Right now I'm just trying to focus on school;Keep my priorities straight. Recently I've been struggling in the Men department. In a nut shell, I'm simply done looking for someone. I'm tired of trying to find someone who could be anywhere near to anything like my ex was. I'm sick of comparing and I'm sick of thinking this guy could be "the one." pfft. The one? Ya I'm an idiot. So I've come to the conclusion that boys will no longer be something I chase, but rather something that may come along. And if they should come along, I won't get attached so easily, I'll let them play that role.